A Dumb Blonde Rides The Sybian Multi Orgasm Sex Machine
He arrived in a plain brown box, and I couldn't keep from smiling as I signed the delivery receipt. Oh, if you only knew, Mr. UPS man. I've got a houseguest for the next 2 months, and his name is The Sybian Sex Machine.
I had emailed Dave Lampert of the ABCO Corporation, makers of the The Sybian Sex Machine, and told him of my desire to review this awesome piece of machinery - for you consumers, of course. He wrote back, and generously offered to loan me one for 60 days, even throwing in several different attachments.
Seeing a Sybian Sex Machine for the first time in a video called Nina's Party, it immediately grabbed my attention, and it definitely grabbed something on the girls who took turns on it! I could tell by their facial expressions that they were having the ride of their life. Since then, I've even seen some of the pros thrown off, unable to handle the higher speeds.
I have anticipated this day for a while, but I'm feeling a little timid, and haven't saddled up to take a Sybian ride yet. I like taking my time, so I'm reading the instruction manual - for the guys: this is the booklet that comes with it, explaining how to operate it, safety precautions and whatnot - and watching the included DVD, in order to feel more comfortable. What if the Sybian Sex Machine is too intense for me, and I am disqualified? What if it's so good that I don't show up at work for a while? What if I can never again be satisfied by the penis of a mere mortal man? This is a concern I've heard expressed by some uneducated Sybian critics, but my experience has been just the opposite. It's not like you build up a tolerance, or are less than satisfied because your man's jackhammer doesn't require batteries. In fact, it wasn't until I started using a vibrator occasionally that I found myself coming easier and more frequently, hence wanting sex more often, and yes, with a real non-vibrating man. It's a win-win situation.
One of the ads for the Sybian Sex Machine stated that it would make non-orgasmic women orgasmic, orgasmic women multi-orgasmic, and mult-orgasmic women poly-orgasmic. I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds good to me! So why am I writing this then, when I could be having a screaming orgasm? I just wanted to give you a little background, like foreplay. I know I'm warmed up now! I figure I had better start out with a low and slow Sybian bareback ride, and take it from there. A mere 8 seconds is considered successful in saddle bronco, bareback and bull riding, so that's what I'm shooting for when I straddle the Sybian Sex Machine.
The Sybian Sex Machine is certainly a piece of furniture! Weighing in at 22 lbs, this is not something that you can hide under the bed, although without any attachments, it would be difficult to discern exactly what is was.
The Sybian Sex Machine comes with a separate but matching sturdy upholstered bench, that can be used to support your arms, either in front or back. My bed is real firm, so I chose to try it out there. The manual warns me to have a towel handy just in case I pee myself with excitement. Hey, this is sounding better all the time!
I'm psyched up for it now - I'm getting ready to mount up and - what's this the Sybian Instruction Book says? Something about for the first few times, bringing myself close to orgasm through my usual preferred method, then quickly switching to the Sybian for the final coming. I don't know about anyone else, but when I masturbate, it's often the same way, with my same left hand. I guess we all have our little routines that work best. This, I assume, is a way to break that routine gradually. I lay back and start fingering myself, but I can't concentrate, I'm like a little kid, and I want to play with my new toy tight now! This anticipation was driving me crazy. It didn't say how close to coming you were supposed to get, but I think I've waited long enough.
I'm starting out on the Sybian Sex Machine with the small pencil dick. Go ahead and laugh, but I've always thought big dicks were overrated. I hope to prove this by corroborating the principles of Meat v Motion in a definitive test for which the Sybian Sex Machine is ideally suited.
The book says to use lots of lube, so I squirt out a bunch onto the small Sybian attachment. The one they recommend for the first time is just a softly rounded bump for external vaginal stimulation. You don't have to worry about getting any moving parts all mucked up either, as the top of the Sybian saddle is seamless and waterproof. Here goes with my first Sybian ride. I lower myself down on it firmly, all the way down, and wriggle around a little until it feels right, because there is a slight angle. It's also important to be comfortable and plugged into the saddle before switching anything on. This makes sense, it would be pretty difficult to slide down on a dick, even a pencil sized one, that was rotating 360 degrees at 150 rpms! I press the red rocker switch that controlss the vibration, and turn the variable speed dial slowly, slowly, slowly. Immediately I feel the awesome power underneath me, I mean this is industrial strength vibration on my pussy, and I've only started. Damn, this feels good. I thought putting that strap-on on my washing machine was cool, this beats that idea by a mile. Just kidding, folks, though I'd be lying to say it's never crossed my mind. Let me mention one more thing before I turn on the rotator, because I might be speechless after that.
The Sybian Sex Machine came with a small wedge-shaped piece that can be mounted by velcro underneath the rubber bottoms of the various attachments. This not only aids in making sure your clitoris gets plenty of attention, proving that the Sybian people have done their female anatomy homework right. Switch on the green light, turn the dial a little - oohh! - a little more - woohaa! - more -damn!! - little more - ohchrist! I wonder what would happen if I turn up the vibrator now, too? Holy shit, this is it folks, I'm off and running. I'll return later to give you my first impressions.
First impression: I want to marry the Sybian Sex Machine and have it's baby. OK, that might be an overstatement, but I think you get the idea. I was hoping I could last a little longer, to be honest, but I guess I had teased myself into a premature whatchacallit. I started out sitting upright on it, knees on the floor, but soon extended my legs in back of me, and had just started to kind of lay on it, when the first screaming orgasm hit. I'm not exaggerating either. The orgasm did hit - I didn't have to work for it at all, although I was pretty horny to start with, and I did scream, loudly. So, now I'm taking a break, but I plan on getting back on soon for another Sybian ride.
I was able to last longer this time, but it's hard to say which attachment I like better. That first one really got me off good, but then, that could be attributed to how horny I was.
The standings as of now : It's all good, but I might have to try it again when I'm not so, well, you know. Besides, I'm having a hard time concentrating, Does it seem like I've lost some brain cells along the way? I think so too, and this is a loss I can ill-afford.
I've been getting in a lot of practice riding my Sybian Sex Machine this past week, really putting it through the paces. Yes, it is exhausting, but my overall attitude has improved remarkably. Remember what I said earlier about masturbating first before using the Sybian Sex Machine the first few times? Well, this may be good advice for some, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. Rarely did I turn it on without achieving a Screaming Orgasm in 2 minutes or less. Can you blame me for spending a lot of time with it?
Even though I tried hard not to come so quickly, it's really futile to fight the Sybian. I tried unplugging it, but found this requires superhuman strength. I swear, I could not pull the cord out of the socket! So, unless there's a power outage, or my beloved Sybian blows a fuse, I found the the only thing I could do was hang on and enjoy the ride. I did find however, that I had to stop for awhile in between, to give my pussy time to calm down, as I get real sensitive there after orgasm. Actually, I'm pretty dang sensitive there before orgasm, too, and my pussy was just too tender to touch for a bit. The Sybian people told me that the record for continuous saddle time is about 4 hours. This mind and pussy numbing statistic makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, but frankly, I don't give a rip - do you hear me complaining? I'm real happy just hopping on and off the Sybian for a quickie. I'm sure some of you guys can relate.
It's odd, but even though the Sybian induced orgasms have been really intense, and leave me feeling totally drained, I manage to get all horny again in about 20 minutes. It does seem to be habit forming, but is Sybian addiction a bad habit? Will I start avoiding friends, rushing home just to get in a little quality Sybian riding time? In the meantime, why not have one of those soon-to-be-snubbed friends over to share in my good fortune?
I had mentioned the Sybian Sex Machine to a girlfriend of mine who I thought could appreciate it. We're also good enough friends to be pretty comfortable about such things around each other (meaning: nakid and masturbating, not that we had done this before). Although she asked me not to go into a lot of detail, I can report that it also gets her seal of approval. I believe she's applying for a line of credit as we speak, although the Sybian people also offer a 'Lay-Away Plan'. No, I'm not gonna touch that, too easy.
You've heard a lot about my screaming orgasms, as have my neighbors, but let's talk about what it really feels like, what it is that makes the Sybian Sex Machine stand out in the crowded field of vibrators.
Guys, we all know nothing can take your place. There's nothing that can come close to that sensation of skin on skin, lips on skin, feeling your body, your hands, probing fingers, mouths and kisses, responding, the look in your eyes. That feeling of turning you on so much that your cock gets hard when we take it in our mouths and suck on it. Or getting achingly hot when you lay us down or bend us over, and that urgent thrust of your cock so deep in us that we can't get any closer. It makes me wet just thinking about it. The pounding, deep breathing, the sounds, wet slapping sounds, whispers, moaning, screaming - what was my point here? I fear further brain damage, people, but what the heck, brains are overrated, too. I think I'll take a break to clear my head, be back soon.
I was going to tell you exactly how the Sybian Sex Machine feels and what makes it different. As I said, there are a million vibrators out there, and I'm not even counting my toy box. Most of them work fairly well, although the battery powered ones are weaker and less ruggedly built than the plug-in kind. Maybe I should clarify that, let's call them AC powered. But even the strongest AC vibe has to be held with at least one hand, so the freedom that the Sybian Sex Machine gives you is unique. It's heavy, too, so it's going to stay put even under the most rigorous bouncing. The shape and size of it makes it very versatile, as well. You don't have to stay in the cowgirl position - you can lay on it, sit on it, you can even get in the missionary position and put it on top of you, according to the book. This one I haven't tried yet - if I'm going to lay on my back and spread my legs, I want a little in and out, you know? The weight of your body presses your pussy right down on it, and the more you spread your legs the more you experience the full Sybian effect. The rotator, even at full speed, kind of sensually undulates in a rhythmic motion. The vibrations, which are concentrated on the bottom part, are very powerful, so naturally it's fairly noisy, sounding like a small generator when turned up all the way. I doubt if you would use this setting much, but if sound is at all a factor, take this into consideration. Even though I live by myself in an average sized home, I don't like noisy vibes because they tend to be distracting. I really didn't notice the noise that much with my Sybian, though I'd be much more aware of it if the worry that others would hear it were present. If you live with a roomate, there's no way you would be able to use it without giving yourself away, so sharing would go a long way in persuading them to give up that logbook they've been keeping on you. The attachments I used varied in size from 1/2" x 3 1/2" for the Pencil Dick to 1 3/4" x 5 3/4" for the largest one. That may sound small to some, but they feel much bigger inside you because of the rotating action, and for me, they were more than adequate. In fact, I preferred the smallest ones. But then, I also prefer a softer dick. Yes, you read that right, and let me repeat it: I like dicks that are small and soft. I am not hard to please, people. They are made of a silicone rubber, with a threaded rod running the length of them. The material itself is medium soft, but the necessity of the rod stiffens them considerably. While I can't say that this hindered my pleasure in any way, I can't help but wonder what a softer insert would add. There is something about the rotation and vibration together that makes me cum real quick, though I'm sure just the vibration alone would have done it as well, just maybe not as intensely. Hard to say. But the feature I like most is the shape, size and weight of the Sybian base unit. The hands-free operation and durable construction is second to none, there really is nothing else like the Sybian Sex Machine.
We've come to the end of the trail here, and I apologize for the long meandering trip it's been. But it's time to give you the final scores. Folks, it doesn't get much better than this. Then again, the price of the Sybian Sex Machine, at $1325.00 before shipping or any extra options, doesn't get much higher, which is the reason I give it less than 5 full stars. It all comes down to: Is it worth it? This is the toughest part of this whole thing for me - on the one hand, I'd say yes, because if you had a hard time having an orgasm, this would do it for you, and how can you put a price on something like that? If you are like me and have no problem in that area, but want the ultimate sex machine and can afford it, I'd say get a Sybian Sex Machine and get one now! Life is short and so are orgasms. I'm as frugal as the next woman, but there are some things that you just shouldn't skimp on. That said, it is a major outlay of cash, and I can't help but feel if there were some way to get the price down to where most people could afford it, there would be a lot of happy people.
The only improvements to the Sybian Sex Machine I can think of would be to add a few softer attachment options, and try to lessen the noise level. A piston motor, for some of that in and out penetration we talked about would be nice, but I'm not at all sure that's feasible. If it was, I think someone would have come out with one already. I'd like to thank the good people who created the Sybian Sex Machine for giving me this opportunity, and for all the good work they do.